Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
