Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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