ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize