i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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