I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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