How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
