The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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