Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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