Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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