It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
