got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
