She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
