So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
