kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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