Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
