Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
