I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
