anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
