You made me cry and you don't even care
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
