I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize