Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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