I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
