Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
