Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
