u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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