Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
