If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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