there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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