Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
