If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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