youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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