The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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