How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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