The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
