I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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