Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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