I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize