mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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