There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
