a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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