so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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