Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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