Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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