Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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