Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize