loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
