Me. At least after what I've been through.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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