I could make wine with my vomit
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
