you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
