Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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