After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize