he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
