This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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