i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
