I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
