this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize