So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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