Can Purell be used as lube?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
