im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I want to make a zoo with you.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
