i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
