I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
