i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
