Betty ford says i'm here all night
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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