I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
