dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
