I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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