I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
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