I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
