I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
