I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
