Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
