doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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