I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
