Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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