Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My vagina is officially offended.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
