i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
