he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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