She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
