Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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