no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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