Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
