Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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