yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
