I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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