so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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