i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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