I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Are my feet made of real feet?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
