Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
