mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
