Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
