it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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