fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
