I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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