John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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