Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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