so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
