Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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