hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
