You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
