i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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