We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize